Always in Our Minds....

Sunday, December 24, 2006

It's Always About Nurture!

This post would definitely look "strange" on this blog, but I feel it's too important NOT to be mentioned, and after all, it's about my thoughts and feelings, so it must have a place here some how....

MANY of us, and specially women have spoken A LOT about the "oriental man" sick mentality and the "double standards" system that seems the only one operating in our area. Women can never have their rights in our society because of the "male dominant" society we are living in, and it is the "oriental man" who is to blame for all this.

And it is the same man who doesn't mind to "sleep around" with whoever girls, but when it comes to marriage, he won't accept but a "pure virgin" who knows nothing about anything, and all other girls are nothing but pure "sluts".

And because of this same man, women suffer a lot in marriages, because he thinks he has the right to "fool around", while the women have no rights but to stay home and serve the "oriental men" needs!!!!

Therefore, these "oriental men" are JERKS, BASTARDS and low-life forms that need to be castrated if we ever want to see our society progresses.

But, have we ever thought about "why" the oriental man is what he is? How come the western man doesn't have such a stupid mentality? How is it possible for any human being to believe that "double standards" are actually just and fair?

In my opinion, it has to do with nurture! YES, ladies and gentlemen, it's our fault, both men and women! "How is that possible?" "Are you nuts? Have you lost your damn brain?" "How could women be responsible for that?" Well, let me explain....

You see, it's impossible that any one in our society behave like that just because he is simply a jerk! There must be reasons. And I believe the main reason is nurture. It is how we raise in our society. We raise them to be the jerks and assholes they are! Ever since they are just kids, we always encourage the boy to be aggressive, to be wild. We make him feel he is the dominant species, and that he has the right to "act upon it"! And when they become teenagers, we encourage them to go out and stay late, because "that's how they become MEN" and "boys will always be boys".

What is ironic that ones who are doing that damage to the growing up boys are no one but the WOMEN! Our mothers are responsible for that! A mom would be so proud of her son who brought his girlfriend home with him, and she goes on saying: "Look at my son, look how good he is, I'm proud of him" and she would treat her son's girlfriend in the most amazing way, simply because it's her son's love! Even his sisters would do the very same thing! "Oh, my brother is a chick-magnet, they just can't keep their hands off of him!" You see, you WOMEN encourage your MEN to be JERKS! If your son or brother wants to marry a girl, there is NO WAY you would accept some one who is divorced or who is NOT a virgin. The very first words coming out of your mouths would be "You're too much better to accept that BITCH!" "Why would you wanna marry a woman who is divorced??!!"

And if (some how) one man decided that he won't be a typical "oriental man", and accepted to marry a girl who is not a virgin, do you think the society will leave him alone? ALL of us will start talking about him; "He's NOT a man" "Shame on him" "Akid mrakkab 2roun!!" (He must have got horns)....

Things doesn't stop here, if his sister has a boyfriend, and he knows about it and he's "okay" with it, then he is "foofoo", or he is a "Shame on all MEN in the society". Damn, even his own sister would look down on him "Doesn't he have any honor???!!!" I can't really understand it, but strangely enough, that is what happens!!!!

"Maraya", a famous Syrian comedy show, describe this in the best way possible. In one of the sketches, a woman visit her mom and starts complaining about her husbands, and what a "jerk" he is because he is going to marry another woman. The mom goes CRAZY, calling her son-in-law " a F***** bastard" "Did he forget that he was on his knees just to marry you?" "Who does that asshole thinks himself?" "Just wait till your dad and brother get back, and we're going to teach that scum a lesson he won't ever forget, and if he insisted on being the jerk he is, he's going to divorce you, you deserve much better than him".

10 minutes later, her son shows up. And he starts complaining to his mom and sister about his wife, how she doesn't satisfy him, mentally or physically, and how she doesn't respect him as her man. What do you think their answer was? You won't believe it! They said: "Who does that BITCH think herself?" "That slut needs to be treated like the bitch she is" "Marry another one, habebe (my dear)!!!!!". "You are a MAN, and it's your right" "we will find you another girl that is just right for you, and you can get rid of that BITCH you got at home". Do I need to comment?

I know that "oriental men" are double standards jerks who treat women like shit, but if want to start blaming, then we should blame our "way of nurture" first. LADIES, it's your fault as much as it's men's one. The only way to treat such a disease is to be honest with ourselves and treat the "underlying cause". What we need is a "radical change" in our daily life. We shouldn't accept such behavior from all the MEN, including our sons and brothers, and women MUST refuse to be treated in such a bad way, and they MUST NOT treat themselves like that too!

It's too easy to point out fingers, and blame "males", but what we need is an "objective" process that acknowledge that the problem is not just in the "oriental man", but it includes the "oriental woman" as well; it's a problem of the whole society. Once we acknowledge that, we can put our feet on the right road.......


Liliane said...

Well I agree with you to some extent. I agree that there are still oriental men out there and in some thing women don't have any voice or rights.

But I have noticed in the many recent years that the mentality for most lebanese men is less oriental now. They don't mind being with a non-virgin, the stereotypes are lessening with time. Girls can bring their boyfriend home and can get back at night and people won't talk like they used to. I donno maybe in some places this is still existant, and I think and hope with time it will diminish.

I understand your reasoning, that this is the society's fault, men don't grow to think in a way unless the parents have raised their children in this way, so I believe, as we are the next generation, it is up to us to raise children in a way to respect and give rights to both men and women in the same way.

And I guess if you are still surrounded by such mentality, then I encourage to start excercising your own point of views, because eventually it will be understood and embraced.



FaiLaSooF said...


Since we are a tri-cultural society, we tend to be more open-minded than the rest of the Middle Eastern socities, but even though, you still see people talking and talking, even in the most liberal parts of Liban, NOT to mention the conservative ones.

But I agree with you, that in the recent years, we've become more tolerant. And this is a good thing.

The main objective of the article was to stress on that when you want to treat a problem, you should always focus on the underlying cause. What we are facing is NOT that people are ok with gurls having pre-marital sex or not, but it is the "double standards" strategy that we follow. I believe in total equality; if the society is ok with the guy having sex outside marraige, then it should be ok with gurls as well. The same principle should be implemented on all other issues...

Liliane said...

My whole post was vanished. :S

Okay... I definitely agree with you on the double standards. What is remarkable and sad, is that friends and colleagues, males of course, even though they are educated, pretty influenced by the west etc..., still judge women on things they do, which they don't when men do it!

This I don't know how it can be solved.

FaiLaSooF said...

That's Exactly my point! You see males use this "sick principle" in our society as a weapon against girls. At the very same time, GIRLS use the very same weapon against other girls. If one of the females wants to "cause" problem to another girl, the first thing she would do is to talk behind her back about what a "bitch" she are, and how she sleeps around with this and that!!!

I think the way to solve such a problem starts with you girls! Try ONCE to stand united and at least try NOT to call each other a "bitch", that would help a LOT. Akid NOT all girls are like that, but a great majority is.....

Anonymous said...

cool blog.
girl i wanna tell u one thing: although i like how u stand up with ur arguments to support ur opinions i dont like the fact that u generalise all this about the oriental men.
there r bastard in any part of the world. in any nation, like there r some exceptions to the case that confirm the rule. hehe
what i want to say is that to generalise it's so bad...
my man is an oriental man: he is syrian and lebanese mix, besides the fact that he is handsome and all, he is tho most loving, patient,careing, sweet decent and respectfull man i ever met.
1 must say that most of what u wrote about the mothers defending on them like thay r made of porcelain lol i felt it too. cause u know, i am not an arab lady ( i'am european) and his mom really did everything to ruin things for me. i only keep respecting her cause of her age and cause she is the one who brought him to life.she tried all kind of stuff, saied: she is not good for u, she is a western woman, they r bad, dont know to care for the husband, to raise kids, they r not decent bla bla bla. until one day when she told him that i am a bitch like all europeans. but than my man stood up for me and i love him for that: he saied that he will not allow one insult more towards me. and that if she keeps badmouthing me she will as well forget about him. lol she made a huge drama but things r better now.she still hates me (whenever we go to homs she tells me that but now she is so cautios and only does that when i am alone with her)lol

i have great respect for the arab culture, and for all other cultures or religions. and i admire u ladies cause u stand up for ur rights. and more power to u. u r strong women and u deserve the best!if u feel that u r not respected speak up, stand up and demand respect. only than ur voice will be heard. never be bulllied into silence and most of all never allow urself to be made a victim, under now circumstances. this is the best i can say to all of u out there. and most of all respect urselves and love urselves...there r still good men out there and u have all the right to search and choose.

FaiLaSooF said...

thx alot for reading my blog.

But girl, what made you think I'm a girl???!!! I'm actually a guy!

As for the post, of course I'm not generalizing; there will always be those who are descent, though the majority seems to enjoy the "advantages" they are getting.

As I said before, It's always about nurture. It has to do with your background.

You are more welcomed to check and comment on the blog all the time.

Please say hi to your husband, and thank him on my behalf for giving a good picture of our culture :)